2. When physical abuse is the only answer that's left

http://edition.cnn.com/2012/10/08/justice/texas-mother-sentencing/index.html

In Dallas an almost 3 year old was glued with her hands to the wall and was hit multiple times by her pregnant mother of 5 over potty training. While the mother abused the child, the child urinated out of stress on herself. The toddler went into a temporary coma and was unconscious when her grandmother found her. The grandmother brought her grandchild to the hospital where the medical authorities observed the results of severe hitting on the head, which resulted in a severe brain damage that led to a coma, amongst kicking in the groin and other forms of physical abuse. The mother is charged with first-degree injury of a child and the prosecutors want the mother sentenced to 45 years in prison. All children of this mother are now in the custody of their grandmother.

We could ask ourselves what it takes to potty train a 2 year old and the answer certainly isn't physical abuse. To learn something to another human being we must be capable of stepping in the shoes of the other and we must be able to understand how we ourselves came to this learned ability. It takes patience of the mother/parent and many relapses of the child to be able to master the muscles of the bladder and the anus. Something we easily forget since it's like a natural thing to us, to urinate when we are on a toilet, yet it is learned behaviour.

Anybody that has been in distress or under severe physical or mental stress has experienced that this learned ability of cleanliness will be overruled by the body which is under stress. So this 2 year old is living with an overly stressed young mother, who is expecting a sixth child and not capable anymore of being patience, let alone stepping in the shoes of her child, that got irritated by the child that wasn't yet potty trained. That's a dangerous cocktail to take. The mother lost all senses to reality, thinking up the idea of gluing the child hands to the wall. That's evil, that's a pure evil mind at work and no one had seen it coming, since no one had done anything to change this household for the betterment of all. What mother hits her child this hard that the child will have brain damage for the rest of her life? A mother that doesn't care about herself and anybody around her as herself. This mother has given up on life and her child had to pay the price.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to hit the bottom of dispair while not realising that I am no longer the directive principle of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to not realise that being a mother is always there, 24/7, the responsibility for a young and fragile life will not end when I think I cannot take it anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to cross the lines of abuse as if it is normal and allowed when I do no longer take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to feel as a failure and not capable of directing my life adequately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to not realise that I'm disappointed with myself and not with my little girl that isn't yet able to be potty trained.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to fear this moment of rage that I accept and allow to rule my physical reality, while thinking that I'm not being able to stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to fear the beast that is within me and takes over when frustration and stress are too much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to feel so powerless while not realising that I can ask for help and point out that I'm a threat for my children and need assistance and support to learn how to run my life as a mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to not see any way to escape from the life I live, being constantly pregnant and having to feed more mouths is intimidating me, while I do not realise that I am the creator of my own life and the one that decided through reliving the mistakes from my past to make my future and current position in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to feel guilt about not being able to stop abusing my children within the moment of abuse, feeling taken over by demons and not realising that I am my own demon and worst nightmare while not admitting this dark side of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to not realise that I am the living example of my children and with my abusive behaviour I teach them how to be abusive and how to maintain the sins of the fathers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to be tired of all the pregnancies, physically and emotionally, and not realising that my desire for sex is stronger than me and the lust makes me totally irresponsible and losing all common sense while no longer directing my life as the directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to feel frustrated with myself when I do not accomplish that with my children what I had imagined I would be able to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to see the failure of my daughters potty training as a resistance to my authority from her side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to see my daughter as evil when urinating in her pants and purposely punishing me for being her mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to not know what I did wrong that I have a child that can't be potty trained under my conditions and wanting to cry as a victim of life and not realising that not life is punishing me but it is me who separated myself from life and is balancing from one polarity into the other to keep myself alive, while all along it is the mind that I keep alive while fearing to participate in real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to not realise how precious my children are and how much we can learn from each other, making life into a worthwhile journey to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a mother to fear the reflection my children give back to me and see them as evil instead of seeing that I'm face to face with the evil inside of me, hitting and kicking the evil out of my children while it still is me, the beast that abuses life as herself.

I commit myself as a mother to sort myself out before I ever lay my hands on my children again.

I commit myself as a mother to face the fears that are inside of me of which I now project onto my children to not having to take self-responsibility.

I commit myself as a mother to never abuse another being again and starting to understand my starting point for the abuse of others as a replacement for a punishment of myself.

I commit myself as a mother to understand and see why I loose my directive principle when being absorbed with rage and why I do take it out on my children.

I commit myself as a mother to stand as life and never allow and accept abuse ever again in my life or the lives of my children.

I commit myself as a mother to see life as a possibility to better myself and show my children what life is all about, instead of seeing life as a down warded spiral that takes me to the evil catacombs of life not seeing that also that is one of the poles of me while participating within polarity.

I commit myself as a mother to educate others about the evil that we accept and allow within us, while participating within the mind and not being able to really see life for what life is or can be and therefore pass this evil on to the generations to come.

I commit myself as a mother to never mistake my frustration and limitations for the limitations and disobedience of my child.

I commit myself as a mother to enjoy life as a mother with my children instead of seeing it as a routine, disappointment, frustration and failure.